Darling, I promise the hurts and the memories will fade. Maybe it seems like they never will, but they will. I promise.
Maybe you can still feel the ghost touch of his fingers on the sides of your head. Or the warmth and weight of his hand on your shoulder. Or the heartbeat against your ear. Maybe you can still hear the sound of his soft words. Maybe you can still see his smile in your mind. Maybe every aspect of him is burned into your memory, and as much as you wish you could throw away those memories and act as if they never existed, you cannot.
Because darling, I know how much he meant to you. And I know how many times he said you meant so, so much to him.
I know how many times he promised you that he would stay by your side. I know how many times he said he cared about you and needed you to stay. I know how many times he held you as you cried and said that he would do everything he could to help you get past this dark place.
Darling, I know that this hurt is worse than any hurt you’ve ever experienced before, worse than any romantic breakup you could ever experience in your life.
But it will pass. Maybe you wish it would pass right now, maybe you wish it had never happened, maybe you wish you had never trusted him in the first place. Maybe you think you should have known better than to let yourself open up so completely.
Don’t wish those things, darling.
You could never have known, and your experiences are what made you who you are. I know I have said that before, but I repeat it now because it’s true. And I need you to know that. Because the hurt means as much as the friendship once did. Maybe you don’t think so, and maybe you don’t think it could ever be so. But it does. It means that you are strong enough to withstand that hurt and strong enough to move past it.
And you will move past it, darling. You will.
I know you don’t think so, and I know you think that anything would be better than having to experience this hurt. I know it hurts so, so much. I know you can’t think about him without crying. I know you can’t see him without having a panic attack. I know you can’t work with him without shutting away all your emotions and throwing on a fake smile. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad and hurt. It’s okay to cry and have a hard time moving past all of this.
It’s okay to mourn and grieve, darling.
Take as long as you need. Cry your heart out, eat buckets of chocolate ice cream, and wrap yourself in warm fuzzy blankets right out of the dryer. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself okay again. Because you will be okay.
Darling, it takes time.
I know that it’s so hard right now, and I know that you wish it could all be over. And it will pass. It will pass, and you will be okay.
Darling, it will pass.